14 years and counting

Today is our wedding anniversary.  On March 10, 2001, Emily and I pledged our lives to one another in her home church in North Carolina.  I whisked her to a honeymoon in the islands during my Spring Break in seminary, then we came home to our new life together in Georgia.  Fourteen years, one church plant (and now one church merger) and four boys later and here we are.

We got married one year and four days after we met.  We were engaged in four months (heck, I bought the ring after about two months).  We joke that we could have gotten married the day after we met.  We just...knew.

Emily and I don't have a perfect marriage.  No one does.  Our house is usually a mess with four boys and lifestyles that are simply too busy.  We eat pizza and fast food a little more than we planned.  We don't have enough of that 'quality' time people talk about because we're seemingly running from one thing to the next.  We don't work out enough.  Our finances haven't always been perfectly in order.  But, can I tell you something:  in fourteen years, we've never had one fight.  In fact, I don't think we've ever even raised our voices at one another.  And I am so grateful for this.  Here's why -- we don't sweat the small stuff.

I don't know if it was conscious or not, but we just kind of decided not to nag and complain and berate each other about stupid little stuff.  I'm sure there are things I do that get on her nerves.  I don't hear about them.  I am so proud of the woman she is, the heart she has, and the commitment to Christ that she displays, what's to complain about?  We talk and communicate.  That's a huge part of it, but I think the biggest part is what we don't say.  Never once has Emily made me feel guilty for having to go to a church meeting.  Instead, she's grateful I have a job and get to fulfill my call to ministry.  I think we've spent the better part of 14 years appreciating each other for what we are and not focusing on what we are not.  I think that's why people fight -- they don't like what they are not.  I didn't marry who Emily wasn't; I married who she was.  And I'm so grateful to still be married to who she has become, an incredible woman, godly wife, fantastic mother, and strong spiritual leader.

There is a proverb that says, "A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense" (Prov. 19:11).  My sweet wife has been patient with me for fourteen years for sure, but I deeply believe one of the most powerful practices in marriage is repeatedly overlooking offenses.  Not fighting does not mean not making mistakes.  In fourteen years, we've both made our fair share of those.  I'm sure I've made more:)  Not fighting means choosing to overlook those mistakes and choosing respect and gentleness.  Because of this, she has made every aspect of my life easier than it was fourteen years ago.  I think that's the way it's supposed to be.  I hope it will be that way with you.  Choose to overlook.  Choose to communicate.  Choose respect and gentleness, and and can be.  And pray for my sweet wife.  God bless her for fourteen years with me.