Coffee, Cake & Coversation

We're excited to be launching a 4-week Wednesday night series called "Coffee, Cake & Conversation" at Harmony Grove Church of the Way.  We'll be discussing some of the hottest topics in our culture.  I'll be joined by other pastors and community leaders to talk about the following issues:

Sept. 9 - RACE
Sept. 16 - HOMOSEXUALITY
Sept. 23 - POLITICS
Sept. 30 - DATING

There are a few ways you can be involved:

1.  Join us for refreshments at 6 p.m. and dialogue at 6:30 p.m.  Childcare available up through 5th grade.

2.  Send in a question!  You can do that in a variety of ways:

• Leave it in the comments here.
• tweet us @churchoftheway
• post it to facebook at www.facebook.com/churchoftheway
• email to info@churchoftheway.net
• Leave a card in one of the boxes at one of our campuses

The Difficult Issue of Religious Liberty (in which I don't solve much)

Religious liberty has become the 'hot-button-issue-of-the-day" in America.  From what I've seen, people are really quick to form an opinion.  I have been very slow in forming one, and I'm still not quite sure what I think.  The controversy mostly centers around the issue of gay marriage.  A common theme might include whether or not a cake baker has the freedom to deny baking a cake for a gay wedding in states where gay marriage is legal.  Or, is that baker forced to bake a cake for all who walk in the door.

I'm no politician, and I have not interest in being one.  My calling is to discover what it seems like God has called people of faith to do.  So, how should we respond?  What is the faithful witness Christians should have on this issue and those that relate to it.  Well, I think it's a very complex issue, which is why I've been slow to form an opinion.

First, let's be honest:  gay marriage will be legal in every state in a very short time.  So, we've got to figure out how to navigate this issue.  If you want to know my thoughts homosexuality and gay marriage, you can check them out here, here, and here.  The short version is that I believe homosexuality is not in line with Christian teaching, but gay people and the issue of homosexuality have been treated terribly by the Church.  I believe there is a way for us to be in community and dialogue together.  Though I can't faithfully affirm homosexuality and believe that God has a better plan, that doesn't mean we can't be friends with people with which we disagree.  And it doesn't mean that we can't love each other genuinely.  The Church ought to be a place where people from all walks of life dealing with all kinds of issues can come to connect with their Creator.

As for the issues we're facing now, I would ask a Christian cake baker, "For whom do you bake cakes?"  The problem here is that I don't think the issue is Christian marriage.  Would these same cake bakers bake a cake for a man and woman who were living together before marriage or had engaged in pre-marital sex?  Would this cake baker make a wedding cake for an atheist couple who planned to have a civil ceremony with no mention of God?  Would this cake baker make a cake for a couple that had been divorced?  What if it was their 3rd, 4th or 5th marriage?  Would this cake baker bake a cake for a serial cheater?  What if the wedding is "Christian" at a local church but everyone plans to get rip-roaring drunk at the reception down at the country club?  What if the cake baker doesn't think people from different races ought marry because they have been (wrongly) taught that?  Is it okay for them to deny mixed couples?  Does this baker only bake cakes for Christian couples who kept themselves pure in courtship, are actively engaged in a local church, and have a Christian wedding in which the name of Jesus is invoked?

Is the witness Christian business people in our country want one of the exclusion?  Do we want to be known for closing off our lives to those in the outside world?  Is that what Christians did in the New Testament?  Is that what Jesus did?  Is that why Jesus went to Levi's house to have dinner with his tax collecting friends and sinners?  Was Jesus 'endorsing' their sin because he went and ate with them?  There was one group that thought that :)  I don't really wanna be in that group.  It seems we should bake the best cake we could as a witness to our love for people.  It seems like one cake could start a relationship which might lead to a conversation which might lead to our Jesus.  And when people meet Jesus -- things change.

Of course, the problem we're having here is that we're seeing how ill equipped our laws are to deal with what are moral issues.  And this is just the beginning.  Soon, people will be asking, "If the government can't tell me what gender I can marry, why should the government tell me how many people I can marry at once?"  OR, "Who is the government to tell me what the legal age of marrying should be?"  In other cultures, polygamy is common and people marry at much younger ages.  As the U.S. becomes more and more diverse, those questions will continue.  Do we reach a point where the laws can make no moral judgments about love and marriage?  And to what extent do have the freedom to live by the convictions of my faith.  I don't really know, I just know that this issue is at the heart of the matter.

And that points to how complex it is -- because then there's me and pastor's like me.  Now, I'm pretty up-front in my premarital counseling.  If couples are living together, I ask one to move out until the wedding.  I ask them to be abstinent.  I've counseled couples to not get married, that I didn't think they were ready or didn't feel like I could stand in good conscience and ask God to bless their union.  Does the government have the right to force me to marry anyone?  What if my faith, denomination and personal convictions stand against that?  Should our church building be subject to the same demands as the baker?  It's a little different.  The church isn't in a for-profit business, but it raises questions, doesn't it?

Where do we draw the line?  A good friend of my has a daughter who runs her own photography business.  She does weddings, senior portraits, and family photo shoots.  What if someone approaches her to shoot some pornographic images between consenting adults?  It's completely legal?  At what point does she have the freedom to stand on her convictions about who and what she photographs?

See there.  It's complex.  I'm not sure what the answers are.  I just know that I hope for three areas of discretion and patience.

1.  I would hope that all people, but especially my brothers and sisters in Christ, would be diligent in forming an opinion about an issue about which it is so easy to draw quick conclusions.

2.  I would hope that Christian business owners would prayerfully consider how they can help live out, display and spread the Gospel in every situation.  But we don't have to protect it.  The Gospel will take care of itself.  Death couldn't hold it down.

3.  I would hope that those on the other side pushing hard in the name of equality would understand the concerns about where the line stops.  Most Christians I know don't won't to hurt people, but they wonder what will come next and, if this isn't where people of faith draw the line, where exactly do they?

See there.  I told you I didn't solve much.  We need to be prayerfully consider these things.  We need space for conversation and understanding.  It's too easy to jump to conclusions.  God wants more thoughtfulness from us.  This issue deserves it.  People deserve it.  Our calling to reach all people demands it.

Too Famous Jameis

I didn't have a dawg (see what I did there?) in the fight on Monday night as I watched the final BCS National Championship Game.  It was a thrilling game.  Florida State's brilliant redshirt freshman QB, Jameis Winston, came through in the clutch after struggling for much of the game.  The kid is just fun to watch play when he gets rolling.  But it was after the game that bothered me.

Now, granted, Jameis just turned 20.  I remember being 20.  I was pretty stupid.  Yet, Jameis has been on a roll for about the last month with foot in mouth statements.  Winston was not accused in a sexual assault case that stemmed from 2012.  It all came to blows in late November and early December this past year.  Winston's attorney claimed for him that the sex was consensual.  The accuser had alcohol in her system and Winston's DNA on her underwear.  At the Heisman Trophy presentation, where Winston won the award, and on Saturday to the New York Daily News, he proclaimed, “I didn’t do anything wrong."  Then, postgame, Winston said that FSU winning the National Championship was 'all God.'

As a pastor and passionate sports fan, this really, really, really, really bothers me.  And what bothers me most is that THIS is what non-Christians see out of Christianity over and over again.  This is why the American Church is struggling in mainline denominations.  At the very least, we know Winston had premarital sex with a girl that was a little tipsy.  And he did nothing wrong.

Our student pastor is teaching that THAT's wrong to our teenagers.  I teach that's wrong to singles in our church.  Youth ministers across the world have been teaching that's wrong.  Now, the world outside sees the behavior and hears the proclamation that winning and getting through all the Seminoles went through with the allegations as "All God."  And, apparently, God was for FSU winning the game Monday night.

Winston is 20, but who taught him that what he did wasn't wrong?  Where is the pastor, coach, parent or spiritual mentor that is in his ear saying, "Jameis, you made a mistake and it almost got you into bigger trouble.  It'd be best to admit that and thank God for his forgiveness and the opportunity to keep playing ball."  I like Winston's charisma, but I can only imagine what every girl that has had a guy sleep with them when they were a little tipsy to never follow through on the heart promises their body made.

The Florida State Attorney didn't see evidence to press charges, but that doesn't mean Winston didn't do something wrong.  Non-Christians see Winston's actions and hear his words and think, "That's why I don't go to church.  They don't do what they say they believe in, then they claim God is on their side."  

Listen, none of us are perfect.  I constantly fight temptations of selfishness, stubbornness, pride and a host of other things.  Daily, I ask God to forgive me for those and a myriad of other things.  It'd be foolish for me to say, "I didn't do anything wrong."  I do stuff wrong all the time.  Winston just needs someone in his ear, and I wish a non-believing world could hear something closer to what seems more in line with a heart for God:  "You know, I made some mistakes and disappointed God and my family, but I knew I had not broken any laws.  I'm thankful for God's forgiveness, and for the opportunity to keep playing football.  We played a great team tonight with a lot of good guys on it, too.  I'm grateful for healthy bodies to play the game we love."   We've got to do better at this.  When we're wrong, we've got to admit it.  The world doesn't need our brashness or perfection or some kind of persona.  The most radical statement to the world is that we are broken and messy and make mistakes, and God's Grace overcomes it all.  When we sin and claim to be without sin, the power of God and His grace is muffled:

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  If we claimed we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives."  1 John 1:8

From one sinner to another, my hope is that Jameis gets some people around him speaking more truth, and less adulation, in his ear.  But for the grace of God go I.

What I wish would have happened with Phil-GQ-A&E-gate

(Sigh).  Do we have to keep doing this?  Do we have to keep hurting each other?  There is a divide in our country.  Well, there is more than one.  But, more than ever (probably because of social media), the divide between Christian and non-Christian seems like it's a mile wide.  And we've forgotten how to react and respond.  We've forgotten how to be kind.  We've forgotten decent respect for others.  And those of us that call ourselves Christians seemed to have forgotten how to read the Bible.  Homosexuality seems to be one of the big issues in the middle of that divide.  I'm not here to go into that.  I wrote a lengthy blog about it during the Chick-fil-a ordeal that you can read here.  It's a very complex issue.  I'm an evangelical Christ Follower and believe homosexuality is a sin, but I also know that Christians have handled the issue so poorly that we've judged others, when that's not our place.  We are to offer life.  With that in mind, here's what I wish would have happened through each stage of the mess.  This is what I wish was true of our country and our Church.

• I wish that GQ reporter had just said, "No."  If you haven't read the article, you need to if you're going to discuss the issue.  I wish the reporter had decided that he just wasn't going to do it the way he did it.  "Sure, I'll go spend a day with Phil and interview him, but no, I'm not going patronize him, I'm not going to bait him into controversial issues, and I'm not going to make a mockery of Southern culture.  No sir, I won't do it."  There was an obvious snide-ness to the interview that was unnecessary.  I'm a proud Southerner.  We've got our demons from the past, namely in the treatment of minorities.  We've come a long way.  I wish a reporter from a national magazine didn't feel the need to cartoon a good man.
• I wish Phil had said, "You know, I've got some ideas about homosexuality, but I'm most interested in introducing people to Jesus."  You see, telling people they're wrong has never worked.  That's never been our role.  In 1 Corinthians 5:12-13, The Apostle Paul wrote, "What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside?  God will judge those outside."  All those letters that Paul wrote were to Christians.  They were written to churches.  They were for, essentially, discipleship.  In Acts, when Paul went on his missionary journeys, he was preaching one thing:  Grace.  Christ crucified for us, risen to give victory over sin and death.  Paul's letters were to help those that had received that grace figure out how to live in tune with God's heart.  When we start with "how to live," we get it wrong and the world tunes us out.  Me telling a homosexual that I think they're sinning isn't going to convict their heart.  Jesus is in the conviction business.  Christians need to offer people Jesus and TRUST JESUS to change people and convict people.  My life was not in line with God's teaching when I came to Christ, but I have learned over the years as I've gotten closer to Jesus that He wants what's best for me.  So I've learned to trust him and change.  You don't have to be straight to come to Jesus.  You don't have to be sober to come to Jesus.  You don't have to be holy, non-cussing, church-going, or generous to come to Jesus.  You just have to come.  Listen, I'm not saying we have to hide what we believe about issues.  We need to be honest, yet we need to preach truth in love.  I don't think homosexuality is the best God has planned for anyone.  I don't think it's in His plan.  But I'm not going to convince anyone of that.  I want to invite people into a relationship with Jesus and invite them to study the Bible.  God does the changing.  And, Phil's a smart guy.  I wish he'd known that you can't say things like bestiality, anus and vagina and expect that it's not going to cause a stir.  I don't think that's the route Jesus would have taken in the conversation.
• I wish Phil wouldn't have said what he said about African-Americans.  I'll bet he was telling the truth, but that doesn't make it generally true for all.  That last thing we White Southerners need to do is trivialize the experience of African-Americans in the segregated South.  It was ugly.  Our ancestors were wrong.  We repented, and we've found a better way.  Just because one prostitute doesn't think it's that bad doesn't make prostitution okay.  Phil could have said, "You know, the African-Americans I knew were happy people that I counted as friends, but I know that what was happening wasn't right, and the experience of most was horrific."  
• I wish Phil would have apologized.  "You know, I got out there on my four-wheeler and started talking and things kind of came out crude.  I have strong Biblical beliefs, but they didn't come out the right way.  I apologize for the crude language as I know it hurt some people's feelings.  That's not really how I want to represent myself, my family and my faith.  I just want to sell duck calls, be a good husband and introduce people to the Jesus that changed my life."  
• I wish people understood Free Speech better.  Phil's freedom of speech was not violated.  Freedom of Speech means you don't get arrested (which happens in other countries).  Any of us can say whatever we want, but if we work for someone that writes us a check, they have to right to say, "Well, if you want to have that opinion, we're not sure that you're the kind of person that should work here."  My guess is that if Phil had been a little less crude and a little more gentle, even if he'd have espoused the same values, that he'd have been fine.  It's not like A & E didn't know what the Robertson family thinks about homosexuality.  It's how he said it, and I'm not convinced that his statement about African-Americans wasn't the bigger deal to the network.  If you work for someone, you're accountable for how you behave and speak.  If you're a public figure (and I'm one, so I take this very seriously), the ante is upped.  If you own your own company or you're a politician, you can say what you want, but the customer and the voter have the final say.  If you say something stupid, that doesn't mean there aren't consequences. It just means you don't go to jail for it.
• I wish we had a better way to talk about homosexuality.  I'm not sure what the answer is.  It's a deeply painful subject.  The Church has long deemed drunkenness, extramarital affairs, pre-marital sex, greed, lust, selfishness and a host of other things as sin.  But this one subject gets so emotional.  People on one side feel like it is an issue that is ripping at the fabric of society while others feel like their entire being is being de-valued.  We need to find a better way, and I'm not sure the answer.  I do know that we need to be known for what we're for rather than what we're against.  The Church is FOR people.  I think that's a starting point.  All people are made in God's image.  Let's be people that show them a mirror and let God recreate them into what they can be.
• I wish people had responded unpredictably.  Instead of one side saying, "See there, I told you all those Christians are crazy" I wish people had said, "You know, the Christians I know who are opposed to homosexuality don't talk about it like that."  Instead of posting scriptures about how Phil was right because homosexuality is an abomination, I wish my brothers and sisters in Christ would said, "We love a lot of people that we don't agree with, and that's the main point I would want anyone to know.  Oh, and come to church with me on Sunday...because we love you."
• I wish Christians would begin to see homosexuality as one part of a list of issues related to sexual immorality that includes lust, pre-marital sex, pornography and adultery.  This is why we need to point people to Jesus.  There's lots of folks in our churches messed up.  Most of us have messed up.  We need to get people to the cross and let Him sort out the mess and bring healing in the brokenness.  It's not saying it's okay.  It's making sure we get them to Jesus first.  If we are going to reach a broken world, that's the only way. 

May God bring us all closer to Jesus this Christmas season.