Justin Spieth and the Art of Losing

We had Sunday evening worship, but I had set my DVR.  I was looking forward to watching the final round of the Master's to close out the weekend Sunday night.  As I saw what was happening scroll across my Twitter feed and as I kept updating the leader board, I knew it would be hard to watch.  I'm no huge golf fan, but I appreciate the majors.  It's when all the stars play, and it offers the highest pressure.  You become a legend at the majors.

Justin Spieth, the reigning Master's champion failed under the pressure Sunday.  It was hard to watch, especially knowing what was coming.  He's only 22.  I felt for him.  He's closer to my son's age than he is to mine.  He is already a two-time major champion, but he experienced what will probably be the most painful loss of his career on Sunday.  Very rarely do you have it in hand and lose it so dramatically.  And what we found is that he is also a champion in the Art of Losing.

Don't get me wrong.  I hate losing.  Hate it.  H-A-T-E it.  Not everyone hates losing, but no one really likes it.  When you're three, you learn quickly to not like it when you don't get your way.  This is your introduction to losing.  Most three year-olds don't handle it well.

And this isn't to say that we ought to become good losers who don't care about winning.  It's absurd to think that handling losing with grace and class means you're a good loser and no longer able to compete.  But all of us have to decide if we are going to master the Art of Losing.  Spieth's post-match interview was awe-inspiring.  He was somber but gracious.  He was hurt but already healing.  I'm impressed by a 22 year-old golfer who took a devastating defeat in stride.  Disappointed, yes...but in stride.  Here's why this is so important -- it won't be his last loss.

Life is losing.  You are constantly losing something:

• Every one of us is losing our youth, daily.
• Parents are slowly losing control and influence over their growing children.
• As we age we are losing our ability to be hired or ability to earn income.
• Sometimes we lose jobs.
• We will all lose loved ones to death.
• We lose relationships and routines when moving.

Yes, life is full of beautiful and joyous victories (like sports) and humbling losses (like sports).  If you do it long enough, you can't avoid the losses.  And we all know people that have handled aging, retirement, becoming empty nesters, death of loved ones and change poorly.  That usually means we haven't masters the Art of Losing.  The Art of Losing really is just about maturity.  It's the realization that I don't always get my way and things don't always go how I predicted or wanted them to go.  I just don't always win.

And this matters greatly in our walk with God.  Jesus said, "For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it" (Matthew 16:15).  If you can't handling losing, you're going to have a hard time following Jesus.  Something tells me Spieth will do alright aging, retiring and dealing with the losses that come with life.  How will we handle it when God asks us to lose for God's purposes?

Sunday Preview & Thought for the Week (4.7.16)

I hope you're having a fantastic week.  I'm excited about the next three weeks as we begin a new series in "The Journey" this week called "The Early Church."  We'll be talking about the beginning days of the Church and what we can learn from it.  This week, we'll be focusing on the birth of the Church.

Also, don't forget to bring supplies for 'Save Our Seniors':
• Paper Towels  • Mouthwash  • Laundry & Dish Detergents  • Lotion • Size Med. & Large Assurance Diapers  • Long Pads for Women • Body Wash  • Shampoo

Thought for the Week
" The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit."  1 Corinthians 2:14

For years, I have had a quote that hung in my room or office from William Franklin, the son of Benjamin Franklin.  He was actually a Loyalist during the Revolution and never sided with his father.  But I loved the quote:  "Controversy, however, is really disagreeable to me; and tho' I never seek it, yet I never avoid it where it is necessary to my Character, let the Consequences be what they may."  We live in a time when would like to believe that everyone will like everything we do.  We crave likes (now loves) and re-tweets.  We want people to agree with us.  Those that have courageous faith must understand that the world will not always understand what God is calling us to do, and it's not always as straightforward as we think.  God's will and calling on our lives will not align with worldly ideologies or political platforms.  God doesn't fit neatly into those boxes.  Even good people won't always understand the 'God thing' we're doing.  I believe we live in a world in desperate need of Christians living out in courageous faith.  What would that mean for you?  Helping someone in need?  Standing up for the hurting and those on the fringes?  Loving someone that is nearly unlovable?  Living by your values?  Speaking truth in love?  If you do this, don't be surprised if others don't understand...but do it anyway.

In Christ,
Carter

What Parenting Has Taught Me About God

I believe there's a reason the chief imagery God uses as his relationship to us is that of a parent.  I'm learning more about God as a parent.  I'm learning what it means to be God's child.

First, if you're not a parent, don't run off thinking this isn't for you.  You are a child of God, your Heavenly Father, so this is most definitely about you.  And, I hope I can give you a little glimpse into the heart of a parent which might give all of us a glimpse into God's heart.

Being a parent is hard.  You have this child and everything they call 'theirs' is because you have either provided it for them or allowed them to have it.  Even the gifts from family are only there because you have allowed them.  They own nothing, but they think they own everything.  They live in your house, and you provide things for them that they don't even think about:  water, heat, A/C, electricity and food.  You understand these things have a cost.  They think they are entitled to them.

You also love them, so this is no big deal.  And you love them all the same, no matter how many kids you have.  And you appreciate they are different.  You love what makes them each unique.  Your heart drops to the most bottom pit of your stomach when you think they are seriously injured, sick or that time you couldn't find them at the grocery story for, like, 90 seconds.  The thought of them being lost or getting hurt or sick or dying are literally like the worst things you can possibly think of.  You just want them to live and be happy.

You think you know what will make them happy.  You do.  You set up rules to protect them from bodily harm, and you set up parameters to guard their hearts and emotions.  You understand they are delicate.  You want to shield them from danger.  You also have rules that will build the right kind of character they'll need later in life.  Some of them are kind of silly, but they'll seem much more important later on when the decisions and relationships get bigger and more important.

But you have a problem:  you can't make them do anything.  In fact, it takes about six months for their own free will to show up and it only gets stronger.  You can't make them be grateful for what they have been given and show that in their actions with gratitude.  You can't make them obey you and do what will ultimately be in their best interest.  You can't make them to anything.  They are free.  And your heart breaks for them when they make bad decisions because you know what's best for them and you can kind of see the future if this decision was about something more important, maybe even life threatening.

You could scare them into listening because you are bigger and louder, but you don't want them to be afraid of you.  You want them to have a healthy, respectful fear of disappointing you, but not be afraid of you.  For you first inclination toward them is love, so you don't want that.  So you just keep trying to interject influence.  That's all you can do -- influence them.  You can surround them with good influences and keep interjecting yourself into their lives. You become ever-present and wait for them to ask you for advice -- finally.  And you always forgive them, because they're your kid.

Every single one of us is that child to God.  He has provided us with things we take for granted (like, you know, air).  He has given us parameters that are in our best interest.  And he could scare us to death if he showed us his face and how hurt he was when we don't obey.  It's not in His nature.  He loves us, and he'll keep seeking to influence us because he can't and won't make us love him.  Have you asked him for advice...finally? Do you know that He'd forgive you?

We Don't Know What to Do

We don't know what to do.  We are becoming numb to terror.  At least 34 dead in Brussels.  At least 16 dead on the Ivory Coast.  And we don't know how to to respond.  But this is the same with all of life.  In the United States, we are in the middle of the most brutal political season ever, namely because of social media.  More people are more aware of what is going on because of media coverage and more people than ever are sharing their opinions because of social media.  And we don't know how to respond.

When I say 'we,' I mean all of humanity, but I can't ever say 'we' without meaning the Body of Christ.  We Christians aren't sure how to respond.  We are broken-hearted over lost life and lost innocence in places where terror strikes.  We are angry and vengeful to see the terrorist pay.  We are remorseful that our world has come to this.  We are outraged at political commentary and our friends' contrasting opinions on the candidates for our country's presidency.  And we ask ourselves, "Are they really my friend if they see this issue differently?"

And outrage seems to be what the Church does best these days.  We Christians are really good at outrage.  That's kind of our 'go-to' response, but deep down we know it doesn't feel right.  We just don't know what to do, so we're outraged.  We're outraged at a religious group killing innocent people.  Outraged at this or that government's response.  Outraged at that politician comments.  Outraged at this politicians lack of comments.  Outraged at this governmental policy.  Outraged at school board decisions.  Outraged at teacher's teaching methods.  Outraged at our kids lack of playing time.  Outraged our pastor said something political.  Outraged our pastor won't say anything political.  We're just really good at outrage.  I think non-believers have gotten the message:  Christians are outraged.

I'm outraged, too.  I'm outraged that people are killing other people in places like Brussels and the Ivory Coast.  I'm outraged at terror.  But I'm not surprised by it.  In fact, I'm outraged at myself and my lack of courage, compassion, and selflessness.  I'm outraged at my own sin and selfishness and hardness of heart.  This world is broken.  Sin reigns because we've let it.  All of us.  It's a world that needs Jesus.  And I'm convinced my outrage won't help.

I'm convicted by Philippians 1:27, when the Apostle Paul wrote, "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ."  Whatever happens.  We control how we conduct ourselves.  What if 100 people in one church took that seriously in their neighborhood?  What if 1,000 from a few different churches took that seriously in their community?  What if 100,000 took it seriously in a region?  What if millions of Christians took that seriously in the U.S?  What if the 2-3 billion Christians took that seriously worldwide?  What if we conduct ourselves at work, at the ball field, at home, on social media, in the grocery store line in a manner that is worthy of the gospel of Christ?

We do know what to do -- we just won't do it.  Outrage is so much easier than obedience.

Sunday Preview & Thought for the Week (3.10.16)

Bring on Spring!  It's been awesome outside this week, and God's creation is coming to life again.  As we head into the Easter season, we're continuing this Sunday with "The Story of Jesus" in "The Journey" through the Bible.  We're talking about an event called The Transfiguration in the life and ministry of Jesus, and it's kind of when everything changed for Him.  Maybe this week everything could change for you?  I hope you'll be there.

Thought for the Week
" Some men took a man who was not able to move his body to Jesus."  Luke 5:18

Who are you taking to Jesus?  In one of the most dramatic stories of Jesus' ministry, the star are really friends of a paralytic man who dig a hole in a roof to get through the crowd and let their friend down in front of Jesus.  Jesus is inspired by THEIR faith.  The man is healed, but he never would have been had he not been taken to Jesus by his friends.  So who are you taking?  I believe there is great power in the invitation of a friend, whether that's to dinner or to read a book.  So there is great power in the invitations of friends to church.  We simply never know how much of an impact our invitation will have on a friend's life.  There are many ways you can invite friends, but one of the easiest ways is to send an e-vite card.  You can check it out here.  It's an easy way to send an email with all the details.  These friends did it and made all the difference.  In fact, we ALL have a story of someone in our lives who helped take us to Jesus.  Let us be those friends for others, and Easter is a great time to do so.

In Christ,

Carter

15 years

March 10, 2001
First Baptist Church - Hamlet, NC

Today, March 10, is our 15th wedding anniversary.  It's hard for me to believe it has gone by so fast.  Just yesterday we were newlyweds without a care in the world.  We came and went as we pleased, took walks and naps.  Now we have children.  Lots of them.  Four rowdy boys.  Going and coming is much more difficult, but the house is a lot livelier.  I'm also keenly aware that 15 years from now on our 30th anniversary there will be no boys in the house, and it'll be quiet again -- just me and Em.  So, for this season, we spend a lot more time being mom and dad than being husband and wife.  But we don't really see it that way.  It's kind of all rolled into one.

In 15 years, we've learned a lot about life, marriage, and family.  We've learned a lot about ourselves, our faith and our Lord.  And we're still learning.  Can I tell you something, though, about our marriage that has been such a high value for us and so important in our 15 years?  I've never spoken a cross word to Emily.  She's never spoken one to me.  We've never raised our voices at each other, and I'm not kidding you, we've never had an argument.

Now, that's not to say there haven't been difficult times and seasons.  We've had to work through misunderstandings, disappointment and hurt feelings.  It happens in marriage.  But we have always done it with love and kindness.  She's never hurt me on purpose, and I've never hurt her on purpose.  We've never said something to intentionally cut each other down to size.  And it has made all the difference.  She is my teammate, why would I fight with her?  Besides, we're outnumbered in this house.  We've got to stick together.

We have asked instead of commanded.  We've taken a breath instead of reacting.  We've spoken softly instead of getting agitated.  We've forgiven instead of holding a grudge.  We've overlooked flaws instead of being irritated by them.  We've embraced each other's quirks.

But, the secret is that we genuinely try to put each other first.  I try to fix what she needs fixed around the house.  She runs the errands I asked her to run.  We respect each other and honor each other.  We try to think of what each other would want.  We don't push our agenda.  We seek to serve each other.
All the time I say that staying married isn't that hard.  I guess that's not totally true.  It is hard if you're not willing to put your spouse before yourself.  Pretty soon, any of us would get pretty irritated living with a selfish person.  And that's the root of all marriage issues:  selfishness.  That's why perhaps the most important passage for a marriage is Philippians 2:3-4:  "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."  15 years in, and we're still learning how to do this, but I think we're better at it now more than ever, and I think we're getting better at it.  That's our goal, to get better at laying ourselves down for each other.  And that's why marriage is such a powerful metaphor for our relationship with God.  Putting down our own interests for the interest of God is what life in Jesus is, ultimately, all about.

Happy 15 years, my Love.  Can't wait for more!

Losing an Hour

This week is the week every pastor dreads:  Daylight Savings Time.  Oh, don't get me wrong.  I'm delighted about longer days.  It's just that pastors are the major people that have to deal with the stress of Daylight Savings Time.  Will folks oversleep and miss church?  Will volunteers and staff show up on time?  Will everyone be confused?

Why can't we lose and hour in the middle of the workday on Monday?

Life Hack:  Eat a light breakfast and change your clocks when you get up on Saturday morning.  Get your body eating on the new schedule and you'll go to bed at the right time (which is really an hour earlier) and won't feel so tired on Sunday and Monday.

Anyway, I'm more concerned about the hours I lose on my own volition.  I'm more concerned about the hours I'll never get back.  Just yesterday, it seems we were holding our firstborn son.  He'll be 12 this summer, and he has less time at home than the time he's already spent at home.  I can't lose an hour with him or any of my boys.

As they get older, it becomes increasingly apparent that frivolous pursuits that waste time aren't worth it.  I need to savor every moment, because we've only got about seven years left with him, eight with my second born.  The clock is ticking.  It's ticking on the time I have to influence them, mold them, mentor them, shape them, encourage them, discipline them, teach them, do life with them and love them.

They'll go tot college and do life with friends.  They'll get married and do life with their wives and kids.  But we have to teach them how to do life.  For me, it's very important that I teach them what it means to love Jesus.  Time is the most precious commodity of a parent, and the hours of carpooling and sitting through ballgames, practices and recitals can be exhausting.  But don't lose those hours.  Make them count.  You only get so many.  And you never get them back.