15 years

March 10, 2001
First Baptist Church - Hamlet, NC

Today, March 10, is our 15th wedding anniversary.  It's hard for me to believe it has gone by so fast.  Just yesterday we were newlyweds without a care in the world.  We came and went as we pleased, took walks and naps.  Now we have children.  Lots of them.  Four rowdy boys.  Going and coming is much more difficult, but the house is a lot livelier.  I'm also keenly aware that 15 years from now on our 30th anniversary there will be no boys in the house, and it'll be quiet again -- just me and Em.  So, for this season, we spend a lot more time being mom and dad than being husband and wife.  But we don't really see it that way.  It's kind of all rolled into one.

In 15 years, we've learned a lot about life, marriage, and family.  We've learned a lot about ourselves, our faith and our Lord.  And we're still learning.  Can I tell you something, though, about our marriage that has been such a high value for us and so important in our 15 years?  I've never spoken a cross word to Emily.  She's never spoken one to me.  We've never raised our voices at each other, and I'm not kidding you, we've never had an argument.

Now, that's not to say there haven't been difficult times and seasons.  We've had to work through misunderstandings, disappointment and hurt feelings.  It happens in marriage.  But we have always done it with love and kindness.  She's never hurt me on purpose, and I've never hurt her on purpose.  We've never said something to intentionally cut each other down to size.  And it has made all the difference.  She is my teammate, why would I fight with her?  Besides, we're outnumbered in this house.  We've got to stick together.

We have asked instead of commanded.  We've taken a breath instead of reacting.  We've spoken softly instead of getting agitated.  We've forgiven instead of holding a grudge.  We've overlooked flaws instead of being irritated by them.  We've embraced each other's quirks.

But, the secret is that we genuinely try to put each other first.  I try to fix what she needs fixed around the house.  She runs the errands I asked her to run.  We respect each other and honor each other.  We try to think of what each other would want.  We don't push our agenda.  We seek to serve each other.
All the time I say that staying married isn't that hard.  I guess that's not totally true.  It is hard if you're not willing to put your spouse before yourself.  Pretty soon, any of us would get pretty irritated living with a selfish person.  And that's the root of all marriage issues:  selfishness.  That's why perhaps the most important passage for a marriage is Philippians 2:3-4:  "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."  15 years in, and we're still learning how to do this, but I think we're better at it now more than ever, and I think we're getting better at it.  That's our goal, to get better at laying ourselves down for each other.  And that's why marriage is such a powerful metaphor for our relationship with God.  Putting down our own interests for the interest of God is what life in Jesus is, ultimately, all about.

Happy 15 years, my Love.  Can't wait for more!